Harry Potter Uses Facebook For The First Time
by THE PETE PETERSON EXPERIENCE
Summary: Hogwarts gets computers and Harry uses Facebook.
1. Chapter 1

Harry Potter Uses Facebook For the First Time

Harry potter sat in the fucking great hall. His friends ron, the ginger fuck, and hermonie the dumb smart bitch were late. harry was checking out all the new hot chicks at hogwarts as well as the bitches he knew about already.

dumbledore got the fuck in front of everybody. He was gonna give his speech but he was making out with a guy. so mcgonadagal did it instead.

"you fucking kids better not fuck any shit up this year. or else I'll be super pissed. also, we have an important announcemnet."

Dumbldeer stopped making out with the dude.

"this year we got fucking magic computers up in this bitch. we got internet. we got fucking playstation and xbox. we got facebook."

Harry squealed with happiness and got a little hard.

"can we look at porn?" Neville asked.

"no neville you dumb fuck." snape said. dumbledore slapped him. on his ass.

"go back to your fucking rooms." he said.

harry went back to his room when draco malfoy grumped him and pulle dihm into a bathroom.

"what the fuck malfoy"

"what did you do to me, you potter."

harry spat in malfoy's eye.

"I didn't do shit to your gay ass."

malfoy let go and turned around and pulled his pants down. instead of an ass, he had voldemorts face. his asshole was the mouth.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS FUCKING THAT SHIT?" harrys screamed.

harry ran away becuz he scar started to hurt real bad. he ran back to his dormintary and saw hermione and ron there.

"the fuck where was you" herry sed.

"we got stuck in diagone4a alley." ron said.

"a guy tried to fuck ron." harmyonee ssaid.

"HAHAHHAHAHAHAH YOU GINGER FUCK" harry said.

"fuck you harry you're a dick."

then some people from BEST BUY (TM) came in with the magic computers.

"We will now show you how to use Facebook."

they used neville to demonstrate, but he started looking up porn as soon as he got on a computer.

"let harry do it!" everyone said. at the same fucking time.

"harry potter gets to use it first, everyone leave him alone." jinnee said.

when harry set up his facebook they cheered. it was fucking legit, and harry clicked like oon all his favorite things: lil' wayne, quiditch weed booze, and he started friend reqests to all his friends, and the new hot chicks he saw at the grand hall. and then he sent a bunch of messages to cho chang who he wanted to fuck badly.

"so you see everyone, magic technology is cool." the best guy buy said.

they left in a cloud of smoke and best buy coupons. everyone got on a computrers

harry went to bed. when he woke up in the morning he got on fucking facebook again and flipped his shit.

"WHO THE FUCK IS SENDING CHO CHANG MESSAGES ON MY FACEBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK."

all the messages was from harry calling cho chang choad chang and calling her a bitch and shit.

"maybe you fucking got drunk or some shit." ron said.

"whatever."

"we have to go to our first class!" hermi said.

"what is oru first class?" ron said.

they left for potions class as harry felt actualyl pretty shitty. cho chang probably thought he was fucking not the shit, and that's pretty gay.

when they got in classs, snape was rightly pissed. there was a new student in the front of the class, and everyone was scared.

"attention class, meet your new student...JUSTIN BIEBER."


	2. Chapter 2

chapter 2; Justin Bieber

a/n; yolo

"attention class, meet your new student...JUSTIN BIEBER."

"HI GUYS!" Justin beper said in a gay accent.

everyone laughed and threw paper and spitballs at him.

"STOP IT" jinny weezly said. she liked him.

"AH-HA!" snape said and pulled on his hair "your all too loud. go to your studying or i'll stick my wand in a palce you won't like it being in ok?"

everyone was quiet. except for beiber. he didn;t know what was going on. he started to cry.

hairy smakced bieber on the back of the head.

"Shut up... bitch." harry said.

everyone laughed and cheered and snape too!

"i'm goinnna go out for a smoke, don't any of you little shits start trouble or i'll kill you." snape grabbged a pack of ciggerettes and weed adn went outside and closed the door.

everyone started doing potion shit. Justi n bieber came up to harry.

"you motehrfucker... no one touches my fucking hair". beeber said. he fflipped harry's desk over and started punching him. they started rolling around on teh floor and the class cheered.

"GET HIM HARRY! YEAH YYEAH YO" ronny said.

the boys rolled around more and bieber pulled on harry's hair.

"hey harry...i got your hair...bitch!" bieber said as he slappeed harry's head around like a sock.

"hairy harry!" bieber said. then he screamed in harry's ears as high as he could.

"AUGH" harry said. beieber's voice was so high pitched it was too much.

harry punched bieber in the pants but it didn't hurt him because he had no balls or even a penis.

"HA" beieber said. he picked up harry and dropped him and picked him up again and put him on a table and started jumping on his stomach.

"say your sorry you motherfucker. ... no one touches my fucking hair". bieber said as he kept jumping. harry threw up on the table. ron grabbed harry's puke and threw it in bieber's eyes.

"IEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEE!" bieber screamed. his eyes started to bleed. ron pulled down bieber's pants. everyone laughed!

that gave harr-e a chance to punch bieber in the ass. bieber falled forward and fell off the table and got a nasty bruise! ron taclked justin bieber and he started jumping on him. harry started jumping on justin bieber too. ron and harry were both jumping on justin biueber.

"SAY YOUR STORRY NOW BITCH" harry said. harriy took his woand out and started beeting beeber with it. ronn did the same. bieber was crying a lot.

some kid took beiber shirt off and threw it out the window. the rest of the kids lifted up bieber and started punching him.

"no more... please i'm storry...stop it all. damn you." justin bieber said. he was beat up bad. they attached beieber's undewear to a window and gave him a wedgie but he fell out hte window and probably died.

the class cheered.

"that kid was gay!" malfoi said.

"i know." harry said.

"yeah, i still hate you potter." malf said.

"ok" harry said.

"i'm still mad that voldermord is on my butt!" malfoy said.

"that must suck to be you"

"you're such a potter"

"fuck you" harry said.

malfoy and harry started fighting and then stape came back in from his smoke.

"HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY! KNOCK IT OFF YOU LITTLE FUCKMANGETS!" snape said. he was very mad with them!

he used some fucking spell to sepereight them.

"both of you go to dumbdore's office now. He is going to be very fucking angry with you" snape said.

harry spat in snape's face.

"that's what i think of you snape. you're a faggot." harry siad. the class was happy.

snape slapped harry really hard on his gut.

"you are the faggot potter. i'm glad your parents are dead." snape said.

"OOOOOOO" the class said as the same time.

harry rant out of the classroom crying. 


	3. Chapter 3

chapter 3 harry gets over it

harry rant out of the classroom crying.

he ran into the girls bathroom and start crying into a toilet. his tears over flowed the toilet!

malfoy came in too. he was following harry!

he found the stall potter was crying in and started to make fun of him.

"hey potter why don't you make some pots because you're a potter!" malfoy said. he started to laugh at what he said because it was very funny.

"FUCK YOU MALFAG!" harry said and pushed malfoy into a toilet.

"blug..." malfoy said as he was soakin wet with toilet water!

harry took malfoy's tye on his shirt and put into the toilet and flushed it! malfoy's head hit the toilet and he was knocked out! and he was bleeding all over the toilet.

but then he wasn't.

"you're in big doo doo for this one ptter. just wait til i tell fucking crab and goil about what you did to me!" malfoy ran a way crying.

roan and hermyone came in to the bathroom.

"harry are you ok?" ron said.

"harry, we got out of class early harry." hermy said.

"why" harriy said.

"because snape had to go to the hosptial. he had really bad diarrhea from smoking so much."

"haha thats funny" hairy said.

"yeah i know." ron said.

"shut up ron." hairy said.

"why?" ron said.

"i dunno.' harriet said.

"class got cancelled for a month, snape's diarrhea was THAT BAD. it even flooded the potion room" hermiony said.

"wow" harry siad.

"i know yeah." ron said.

"i wanna go home." harry said

"why?" ron said.

"because it fucking sucks here ron. it sucks here. ok ron?" harry said.

"snape is a dillegent bitch this year. he took away one million points away from griffinder because you killed justin biebr" herm said.

"oh no wahahahahaha." harry cried.

"who cares." ron said.

"i do ron fuck you." harry said.

"ok" ron said.

"i wanna go home" harry says.

"me to." ron said.

"shut the hell/heck up ron." harry said.

"let's go back to the dormintary. i wanna mess around on the computer." hermono said.

"ok". ron said.

"but wait, what about the faggot filch?" harry said.

"oh no that is right" ron said.

"don't worry about him." Hernionie said.

"ok" run said.

"so do you wanna go back to the place that is our dormintary or what?" ron said.

"call me ricketedy steve and crochet me up with a croquet hammer then we can stampede, bitch, fuck yeah i'm ready." airry harry said.

"wait guys, i gotta use the rest room." hermo said.

"ok bitch." ron said.

"your such a runt ron." harriy said as he hugged his best friend.

"ok i'm done." hermio said. "let us go"

"ok." ron said.

"right on forward" harry said.

they left the bathroom. but before they could leaving moening mirtle showed up!

"WAAAHH WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU WAH GOING?" morning mittle said.

"fuck you bitch." harry sucked her up with a vacum cleaner and put her in a toilet.

"Let us fucking go forward to the dormintary" harey said.

"ok" ron said.

they left the bathroom but the hall monitor aragust filch was there with his cat mr norris!

"OOOOHO, you little fuckers are in trouble now! I hears that snapey has dirreaha and took one million points off of griffindyor! I'll take a million more you bitch!" fitch said.

"not if i have anything to say about it fag." harry said. he flipped filch off and pushed him off the stairs and he landed on a statue and hurt his back really bad and cried a lot.

"let's go." harry siad.

"ok" ron said.

"your such a runt ron." harriy said as he hugged his best friends ron wees and hermioney. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 Snapes Bad Bad Bad News

harry woke up. he had a good dream. in his dream he was fucking choch change and he was winning like Charlie sheen.

then he woke up.

"WAKEY UP hair-pot." collings creevy said. "i am your number one fan and i don't fucking want you to be late for your first class today"

harry slapped colli in the face. so hard it left a purple spot.

"YOu little shit-git. I WAS HAVING A NICE DREAM AND YOU RUINED IT! " harry said. "I FUCKING HATE YOU" harry siad. he pushed collin. he helped him up and pushed him again. he pushed him a few more times then got bored so he just locked him in the closet.

"haha you fag, you'll never come out of the closet" harry said and then he laughed a lot.

"ATTENTION STUPID STUDENTS" THE INTERCOM SAID. "PRINICLAP PROFESSIONAL PROFESSIONOR ALBUST DUMBLY-DORE HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT FOR YOU ASS"

"ok." ron said.

"what could the announcy-announcement be?" neville said as he continued looking at porn on a computer. he didn't really care.

"i don't know but it ain't be good" hermione said.

they went to the great grand hall.

dumbledore was there.

"i have bad news. for you kids." dumbassdoor said.

everyone was quiet.

"professor snape has more than diarrhea i'm a fraid. he has...cancer..." dubbledore said.

everyone cheered. this was the best news they got all year!

"he has ass cancer. they'll have to cut his butt off or just heal him with majick." dumbledor said. i hope he's ok.

"that's fucking brilliant news" rom said.

"id say it's scrilliant. you know like scrilla which is cash money mixed with the word you just said my fucking good chum." harry said.

"i expect all of you fucking kids to send the man some presents. because it will make him happy." dumbledoor said.

everyone was silent.

"i said SEND HIM A FUCKING PRESENT. NOW" dumblr dore said.

everyone started wrapping presents fast because they would not want to see dumblef when he was mad. they would not like him when he was angry...

"i got a good present for snape." harry said. he got a boxed of chocoaltes and dumbped the chocolates out on teh floor. he took a big stinky shit in the box and seeled it with duck tape.

"hehehehehe" harry laughed. his plan was super fucking devious.

"Now back to class with you all!" dumbledored said.

harry's first class was art class.

"ok kids." prof. Flig said. he had a big haircut and skinny jeans. he was an emo.

"this class is gay" harry said to ron. hermio wasn't in the class.

"i know, art is gay. fuck art." ron said.

"today we are going to learn... about...pottery!" flig said. hermio still wasn't in the class.

"harry potter should be good at this." draco malfoy said. he was also in the class. so was crab and goil.

"why is that?" flig said.

"BECAUSE HE ALREADY IS A FUCKING POTTER"

The classed laughed and threw pots at harry.

"hey fuck you all!" harry screamed.

"language potter. 1 and a half points from griffinder". flig said.

"Fuck you flig, you're a fag." harry said. the class laughed more.

"one half a point from gryffinider." flig said. he slapped harry on the gut. "don't ever fucking talk to me like that again you...potter."

draco malfoy started to laugh lots.

"you think this fucking funny malfag? I'll show you fucking funny." harry siad. he picked up clay and through it at malfoy. it hurt him bad.

mally started to cry. this made his best friends crab and goyley very mad!

"we gonna fuck you up harry potter" they said at the same time and charged at him and knocked him out.

"STOP IT CLASS PLEASE IM WARNING YOU ALL!" flig said.

ron started punching crab and goyle at the same time and malyfoy was crying still.

"THATS IT TO THE PRINCIAPLS OFFICE ALL OF YOU" flig said but no one listneed.

the kids placed flig into a pot and put him into the burning room. he was burned alive to death.

harry woke up and vomited. "where is hermonie?" he said in a knocked up accent.

prof. mcgonagagal came into the room.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" she screamed.

everyone stopped doing crazy shit.

"WHAT ARE YOU STUPID LITTLE FUCKERS DOING? you all have done somethin very bad and not good. 100,000 points from all of your houses, you all fucked up and your all fucked up." she said. she was mad.

harry and ron ran away back to there dormintanty.

they all got an angry email from professio dumbdore later.

harry got some Doritos and sat down at the chouch to play some Modern Warefare 3 on his xbox 360.

ron was playing and getting his ass pwned hard.

"i can't believe that shit happened in art class." ron said.

"shut up ron"

"why harry" ron said.

"because art is gay and you are too and i'm gonna kick your ass at cod bro. your kd isn't that high at all!"

'shut up harry"

"fuck you ron"

"ok" ron said.

"hahaha you're gay ron." harry said.

"shut up i am not"

"prove it then fag."

"ok. i like hermionie and i wanna fuck her"

"wow cool" harry said.

"yeah" ron said.

"i guess your not gay" harry says.

"she was not in art class."

"i know" harry said.

"why was she not in that fucking class"

"i do not know"

"i do not know either" harry said.

"ok" ron said.

"wait. i have not seen hermo all day" harry said.

"oh no." ron said in a sad accent.

"where could she be?" harry said.

"let's fucking look for her!" ron said.

"ok after i finish a few rounds of this fucking game" harry said. he loved Modern Warefare 3

"I FUCKING LOVE THIS FUCKING GAME" harry said.

"ok who cares" ron said.

"ok i'm done let's look for the bitch"

"don't call her that harry, fucking please, just don't call her that harry."

"ok ron" harry said.

they snuck out of the dormity to look for hermione.

filch was there and his back was killing him after harry pushed him off the stairs and he fell 500 feet to the grownd.

"we have to watch out for fucking filch" harry whispered at the top of his lungs.

"ok ok ok" ron said three times.

"locumorotor motus!" ron said loudly as he cast a spell on filsch. he fell down and crushed his cat to death because he was frozen.

"ron you retard. what did you were thinking that would do for?" harry said.

" i don't know, it worked though he doesn't know we are even fucking here" ron said.

"let us go that way" hary said. they wnet into the library. they snuck in.

they saw hermione sitting at a chair. she was tied up. they untied her.

"you retarded fools. it was a trap!" she screamed.

then three people came out of the shadows... it was... draco and crab and goilye!

"AH!" Ron screamed.

"AH!" harry said. 


	5. Chapter 5

harrpy popper chapper five

datey potter

"it was malfoy." rond said.

malfoy captured ron and hornmyoknee. and harry too know in the labary.

"fuck I'm still being hatred for what someone did to my facebook to cho chang." harry said. "and fuck you. you have voldee merts face for a butt."

"whoa really?" ron said.

"SHIT I GOTTA DO QUIDDITCH." harry said as he runed away to harry potter's hogwards stick and field. malfoy stayed with ron and erhomie

"fuck harry the game is starting soon." that one kid who was the quidditch captain said (A/N: fuck I forget his name)

"harry let's play." all the babes said. harry waved to them but they ddidn't see him or something. OLIVER WOOD (thats it FUCK) pushed harry onto his broom.

"we're playing hufflepuff."

"hahahahaha"

"yeah I know right."

"shit I don't even have to try."

"Yeah you don't. but fuck you might as well."

the game started and harry won really easily. but then everyone got up and started laughng at him. then harry saw a dark wizard point a beam of magic at his fucking face. harry fell off his broom and it got stuck up his ass. everyone laughed but then cried because it was frigthenngi.

"FUCUCUCUK." harry said as they used magic to bring him to the hospital in hogwarts. they magiced the broom out of his ass. everyone came in even cho chang.

"harry what happened harry. HARRY :" ginny said.

"HARRY HARRY WHAT HAPPENED HARRY" the crowd scremeded.

"a dark wizard did it."

"well whatever your cured." madam hooch said because she was a doctor too.

harry walked back to his room.

"shit I forgot about hermoi and rion." harry said and went back to the library. they were all waiting fo rhim.

"did you win?" draco asked.

"yeah but a dark wizard made me land on my broom up my ass."

crab and girl laughed so hard they pissed themselves and passed out.

"shit." malfoy said. harry usped a spell to free ron and hermione then dropped a bookshelf on malfoy. they left.

"thanks harry." ron said as he hugged harry.

"but harry" hermione said. "ron and me were thinking."

"about what you fucks"

"harry if you want to get a girlfriend you need new clothes."

"you look like a fucking retard."

"so we ordered some clothes on amazon for you."

"cool" harry said. he put on his clothes and started asking girls out.

Harry walked the halls of hogwarts, pointing at chicks to come with him to class. but they aint be down with that shit.

the new students seemed into harry tho. he was hitting on them when he saw cho chang.

"hey sorry I guess my facebook got hacked."

"okay"

"please don't hate me baby"

"okay"

Harry did a fist pump and a magic backflip. he went in to make out with her but she pushed him away.

"I'm already seeing someone harry."

"WHO THE FUCK"

"neville"

Harry screamed in pain.

"oh well fuck you then I guess I'll try to steal hermoione from ron." 


	6. Chapter 6

HP6

HArry potter Uses Facebook for the firs time chapter 6: Love Tri Angull

"oh well fuck you then I guess I'll try to steal hermoione from ron."...

harry went back to the dormortorium. head-wig his owl was there with mail.

it was mostly bills and shit. and porn but that was for neville.

"AHG!" harry said as he threw the mails to the floor in rage. he hated neville now!

then harry got a devious and thieving idea. he got some oats and went up to neville.

"hey neville' harry said.

"what" neville siad. he was watching porn again.

"fuck you" harry said. he dumped the oats onto navalle.

all the oats got in on neveel's cock! neville cock was out because he was masturbating to the computer porn.

"AOOGOOAGAH!" neville said.

"haha fuck you kid" harry said. he did a spin and went to bed.

neville was mad though at the harry.

"hey kid" nevull said. he dumped a kwart of milk on harry and punched him in the mouth until hee bleeded a lot.

"don't you ever put oats on my cock again. you hear me? i will fuck your world upside down up. you understand harry?" neville said.

"ok im sorry neviller" harry said. he was crying.

"it's ok i fore give you." neville said he hugged harry.

neville went to his room to fuck cho chang.

harry watched in happy-ness but he still did not like neville.

"oh well fuck you then I guess I'll try to steal hermoione from ron."...harry said.

meanwhile ath te magic hospital snape was in bed.

"i am so fucking happy they didn't have to cut my ass off for ass cancer. magic cured me bitch" he said to the nurse.

"ok here are youre presents" she said.

she dropped a fuck lot of presents on snapes bed.

"wowowowow!" snape said. he opeened one shaped like a heart like this 3

"hm it's from harry potter" snape says. he stucked his hand inside. and pulled out some "CHOCOLATE".

he snaffed it and put it in his mouth,

"mmmm this is good chocolate." snape said as he smeared the shit all over his face and head.

"oh my god i love it" he moaned.

"this must be yuro-pee-in chocolate which is why it smells funny" snaep siad.

"more like euro-poop-in chocolate if you know what i mean ;)" the nurse said.

"i don't get it bitch. get out!" snape said. he went back to snuff the chocolates.

Harry sprayed an ass load of axe on him, and spiked up his hair like a balling pomp (like a pimp but magic). He walked up to hermione who was talking to ron, who had a boner.

"sup bitches." harry said. hermione was pissed, but interested.

"harry?"

"zazazata!" he said as he did a little dance.

"wow harry that's really amazing and interesting"

"fuck you ron."

harry punched ron in the dick.

"hey hermione there's a big dance tonight you should go with me."

"okay."

So they went to the Big Fucking Dance that happened every year at hogwarts. dumbledore was there doing turntable shit, and they had cage fights going on, which was totally badass. harry and hermione started dancing.

"hey this is crazy and I just met you" he said as he tried to feel her up.

"harry what the fuck!" She slapped him and ran away.

"SHIT. WHY DO I ALWAYS FUCK THIS FUCK UP TO SHIT!" he said as he cried and ran away. he ran to the stairs where ron was waiting and crying too.

"she's such a bitch ron, I don't know what the fuck you think you're gonna fucking get from that bitch, fuck." harry said. ron hugged him.

"I know harry but shit man, she's probably the best I can do. I mean, look at fucking me."

"yeah you're a piece of shit ron." harry said as he hugged him back. "you're such a ront run."

"hahahaha harry that's not usually how he said that harry" ron said as he cried but with not sadness now.

"hey let's go beat the shit out of hermione for not fucking us."

"okay."

Harry and ron walked back to the dormityor then they both screamed.

they saw a blot of fat on herminone. some fat guy was fucking her!

and htey saw who it was... it was... DUDLEY DURSLEY

"HEY HARRY! WHY DO they call you HARRy it it because you have a lot OF HAIR?"!

"i wanna get a girlfriend now! shut the hell up if your not helping. if any girls are flirting with me, feel free to do that." dodley said after he finish. 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 The New Day

harry woke up. it was all a dream. hairy was screaming. he jizzed in his bed.

but doodly and hermoino were gone!

"mama mia! where they go?" herry screamed.

he rant up to harmonoween and shook her bed.

"Hermy hermy why aren't you fucking my cuz duodlay?" harry said.

"what the fuck arou you talking about garry!" hermino said.

"it was all a dream hoo ha hooary!" harry said. he went back to bed. fuck school.

it was a new day and harry had the first glass that day and that class was gym cmass.

but harry got the mail from head-whig befor he went to class. it was the new clothes he got from amazon dot com. it was his mma beast gear.

harry wore a monster ener-g hat (and he wore that shit to the fucking side like a g) and a tapout shirt. he was a badass now.

"harry you look beast dude" ron said as they wented to class.

"thanks ron, you should get some tapp-out shirts your fucking self so you won't look so gay" harry said.

"huh...hah...hoh...your not funny fag but ok" ronald siad.

they got to the gym class.

"potter what are you fucking wearing-ing?" Professinator mcwaldo the gym teacher said.

"fuck you i won't take off my tapout shirt. it's fucking beast as hell".

"take that off. you have to go to class naked now because you broke the rules. and 100 points from griffynder for being a suck-ass mcmidget." Professinator mcwaldo the gym teacher said.

"stop being a potter and do what he says" draco said.

"i am who i am and i am real and i for real." harry said.

"your gay and your' a potter' malfoy said.

"no fuck you malfoy, i'm beast. my shirt is beast. you wanna go bro?" harry said.

harry took his shirt and pants off. he had mma trunk on. he took malfoy the fuck down and started punching him with mma paunches. he put malfo in a arbm bar.

"YEAH EYAJH YEAH GET HIS ASS HAIRY!" ronn said.

malofy and harry rolled around and harry punched the fucking shit out of malfoy's head. he was bleeding a fucking lot.

"stop it you fucking potter just stop it please" malfoy said.

harry broke malfoy's arm.

"BUHHHH WHAHAHAHAHAHA" malofy said.

"HEY HARRY! WHY DO they call you HARRy it it because you have a lot OF HAIR?"! question mark person said.

everyone looked at who said that and it was DUDLEY DURSLEY!  



	8. Chapter 8

Happy Porret Flapter Pive

chapter title is the field trip to diagon alley

it turns out it wasn't dudley yelling at harry.

it wasn't neville either.

it was fred and george duct taped together to look like a fatass that is dudley but they were not fucking dudley because that isn't who they are.

"ho shit why do I keep dreaming about dodly." he said.

"haha good prank bros." ron said.

"hey harry it's time for the field trip. but we gotta go to the news dumporium to see what dumblee der says the fuck is going on." shaymus finnigan

they went to the place from gym class. dumbledorp was saying shit.

"fuck kids, we're going to diagon alley today. also snape and treelawney is the supervisor person because you don't know what you fucks are capaple of."

fudge was there and dumbledore was having sex with him.

"hey look harry dumbledore's a fudge packer."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" they all said.

they all went on the magic bus and went to diagon alley.

harry went to the mma store and crap and goyple were theyre.

"fuck it's harry potting potter." they said.

"what did you buy at the mmma store? gay shit for your bitch tits?" crab said.

"hhargh ha!" goil said.

"fuck you fudge packers. i'm beast. my shirt is beast. you wanna go bro?" harry said.

"bad idea douchey potter" crab said.

"i am who i am and i am real and i for real." harry said. harry took his shirt off and he had mma gear on.

harry put on his tapout gear and was gonna kick the shit out of them.

but they kicked his ass easily.

hary tried to take goil and crab the fuck down and but they were both too fat and started punching him with mma paunches. they sat on him and gave him noogies.

harry started to cry.

"please stop it!" harry said. he was crying.

"hahaha ok fag." goil and crab said. they farted on him a few times.

harry got up and put his clothes back on sadly. no one saw him get his ass kicked at leasted.

then harry cot up with his friends and his friends and harry went with the group to a bunch of places.

"I have to get money from the bank." Snake said.

"Shit this gives me an idea fucking." harry said.

"what is it harruh?" hermuhyonee said.

"we're gonna rob snape."

they broke into the vault with magic, and all the students grabbed snapes money before he could get to it! Snape was very mad and sand!

"Buhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh...kids someone took all my FUCKING money." Snape said, slapping neville around.

"Now now snape" Dumbledore said. "Shut the fuck up."

"FROWN" Snape said sadntly.

"Shit bitches snape is running away like a little fuck." dumbledore laughed and pointed. snape wasn't very happy!

"Harry, maybe you should start looking for a girlfriend here."

"At diagon alley." ronny wee said.

"Shit ron and hermione those are good ideas."

Harry went to the bar and stole some beer to look cool. He went to the gamespot in diagon alley and played COD, showcasing his incredibly high skills while drinking. He waited for the babes to come running, but nobody came.

"Oh that's right girls don't play vidoe games. they can't anyway because they're no good at gamin"

Harry left and stood on the curb and waited for chicks to show up. Ginny walked by.

"FUCK Ginny, can't you see I'm trying to bang someone?" He shreeked.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" She said in fear and ran away in terror.

"Hey Harry maybe you should try and break up neville and cho chang, because I bet she's into you maybe." ron said, punching Haryy in the dick play- fully.

"That is a devious idea. You're such a runt, ron!" Harry said as he slapped ron play-fully.

He went up to neville, and put gay porn magazines in his pocket. nevile was making out with cho chang and didn't feel it.

"What's that in your ass pocket neville?" harry said. cho chang felt around his ass and pulled out the magazine.

"Oh is this a new one? Fuck neville how many of these are you going to get you bisexual bastard."

"FUCK WHAT? SO YOU'RE NOT EVEN MAD!" Harry yelled-o.

"Yeh I know it, neville's just a little different harry. maybe you could get a girlfriend if you were bi. because then you could date guys. because no girl likes you."

"FUCK YOU CHO CHANG YOU BITCH." Harry was about to slap her upside the head, but then flitwick showed up.

"harry what the fuck. hitting chicks is wrong even if they're not into you and you're into them. you're in detention back at the school and the field trip is over."

he clapped his hands to his face and made an :O face like makully culkin and the students was magiced back to hogwarts.

flitwick picked up harry and made the students watch as he took him to the dentetion office.

"HARRY WHY WHY WHY HARRY" the students chanted.

he was only in detention for an hour or two.

harry ran back to griffindor crying, but the other students were already there.

"harry we're kicking you out of gryffindyr, so you have to find a new house or shut the fuck out of here." the painting of the fat bitch said.

"NO!" harry said, and ran away down the stairs.


	9. Chapter 9

chapter 9 the party

harry went in the bathroom and threw up.

he was really fucking upset and pissed off.

he just got kicked out of his house griffinder for no reason!

"whahahh. my life is ruined." harry cried

he punched the mirror and started rolling around because he was so mad and sad!

he took a toilet out of the stall and broke it and took another one out and took a shit in it.

"i hate my fucking life! i wanna go home! buhuhuhuh" harry said.

"oh now harry you need to calm the heck down" someone said behimd him.

it was...dubmeldore!

"proffesseignator dumbloedore?" harry said.

"hey harry i'm sorry you've had such shit luck with the women lately. i don't have that problem" dumbledore said as he made a winky face.

"ok" harry said.

"i have an offer to make yo you this hair-pot. if you can answer this question, i will let you go back to griffyinder."

"ok" harry said.

"what is my name?" dumbledore said.

"professor dumbleendore?"

"correct, one million and one hundred points to gryfinndero and you can go back to your house." dumbedore said as he hugged harry.

"prof dumbledore... are you hard?" harry said.

"YES" dumbelore said.

"AH! ok" harry screamed.

he went back to his dormy dorm.

"harry!" herminone said.

"we missed you" ron said.

"it turns out that the fat lady paidinting or some shit didn't let you in because she was drunk" herimono said.

"so you werent really kicked out harry! harry!" ron said.

"wow wait...wow...that gives me an idea!" harry said.

"whant is that?" ron said.

"WE'RE GONNA HAVE THE BIGGEST PARTY EVER IN THE FUCKING CHAMBER OF SECRETS WITH BOOZ AND SHIT!" harry said.

"that idea is retarded harry we'll quite certainly almost get in quite a lot of trouble really." heriminoe said.

"fuck you then you don't have to come!" harry said as he pushed hermione.

"i like his idea" ron said.

"i like my idea too" harry said.

"ok" ron said.

"i'll even invite cho change. once she sees how badd-ass and awesomely awesome and amazing my part-tay is, she'll have no choice but to dump that loser nevelle long-fucker and get with a real man named harry potter...oh yeah!" harry said.

"ok. i like that idea." ron said.

"ron you invite people, i'll get the drinks."

"you bumblers are gonna get fucked." herminey said.

"fuck you, i told you to go away!" harry said. he pushed hermineo again!

"ok i'm gonna get teh booze now" harry said.

"ok." ron said.

harry got a fucking lot of alcoholik drinks off of amazon with snapes money. he also got some from hagrid because hagrid was cool and liked to drink and party it up. he moved it all in the chamber of secrets.

"hee hee hee" harry said. he waited a few horus and ron showed up.

"hey hey hey ron ronn-ay!" harry said

"sup" ron said.

"glad you could make it, crack open a fucking cold one my main manerino!" harry said.

they waited for a few hours and no one else showed up!

"ron you retard! Did you ever even invite anyone ever?" harry said.

"yeah but i don't know where they are?" ron said. he was drunk.

then a bunch of people came in. everyone from griffyder and slyther-in was there and so was cho change!

they blasted some lmfao and everyone was dancing and shit and getting drunk.

harry went up to cho chang.

"hey having fun baby?" harry said as he showed off his sick ass dance moves.

"yeah" she said. she was drunk.

"cho chang... i gotta show and tell you something... i love you" harry said as he kissed the fuck out of cho change and touched her boobs. but he had too much to drink and threw up in her mouth!

"blech...harry ... you fucking drunk fucking fuck...!" cho chang said.

"hey hey hey hey hey HEY HEY HEY! what are you doing to my girl?" neville said. he was dancing with some other girls and guys but he saw harry try and touch his girl.

"neville i'm sorry i didn't mean to throw up in her mouth!" harry said.

"your fucking dead harry potter." neville said. he tried to pull on harry's hair. but harry punch him in the gut. they rolled around on the floor. harry had been training to fight neville. he bit neville on the neck.

"AH-OOHA!" neville said. he punched harry in the balls

"OOH" harry said. it hurt bad.

"hey leave my best friend harry potter alone." ron said. he kicked neville as hard as he could on neville's ass. he punched neville's ass a few times for good measure. harry and ron ganged up on neville. harry broke neville's fingers.

"hey potter you were throwing a fucking party and did not even ever invite me?" draco malfoy said.

"no because your a fag!" harry said as everyone cheered because no one liked malfoy.

malfoy made an angry face!

"get them!" he screamed at grab and coil and they ran up to ron and harry and started punching them. malfoy started kickign them once they were down and neville got up and helped beat them up! crab picked up harr by his legs and spun him around a lot and harry got dizzy and threw up all over the people there!

"STOP IT!" someone said. crab and goil looked over and it was... hermione!

"dickus minimizickus!" she said and cast a spell that made crab and goil and malfy's dicks mike-rowe-scopic!

"waaahh!" they all looked at each other and scrammed.

"hermione!" ron said.

he hugged hermione.

"hermy... i'm sorry i said fuck you and pushed you" harry said.

"it's ok. i knew those assfucks would try to fuck your party up"

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" someone said. everone looked over and it was... dumbledore, snape and hagrid!

"party's over you little shits." snape said as he started zapping people with his wand to take them to the princiapls office because they were all in big trouble!

"RUN!" harry said as he ran away with his friends.

"i know a secret passage way." hermiono said.

they went in the secret passage but the p-assage aciddently made them magically go 2500 miles away from the fucking school! they looked around. they were at the train station where plat-form nine and 34 kwarters is!

"oh no!" harry said as he cried a lot.

"harry it's ok harry. look!" ron said. his dad's car was parked there.

"ware saved!" hermione said.

"i'll...drive." harry said. he was drunk.

so was ron.

"no your drunk." hermione said.

"fuck you hermione youyr a girl you don't drive and you can't drive hermione. ok you can't drive!" harry said.

they all get on the car.

"buckle up bitch" harry said. ron threw up on hermione.

"Ah!" hermione screemed.

"i can drive it's ok i'm ok your ok." harry said.

he drove all the way back to hogwards but had a big fucking problem. he crashed into the whoomping wollow! 


	10. Chapter 10

Harry Poter Uses Facebook for the First Time Chapter 10

chapter title is the whompin willow

harry was drunk and crashed into the whomping willow near the school of hogwards. the car was destroyed!

"oh my god oh my god ho my god." harry said. he threw up some more because he was drunk.

"harry what is it that you just did is very bad, my dad is going to be super fucking pissed! because it's his car!" ron said.

"ron just shut up we can fix the car with magic or something ok." harry said. he was crying a lot.

they got the charred remains of the fuckin car out of the tree. it was on fire.

harry and ron tried to spit on it to put the fire out.

harry threw up on the fire to put the fire out but it didn't work.

"ITS NOT FUCKING WORKING!" ron screamed.

"rainius antanius!" hermione said and it rained o nteh car.

"oh wow thanks herminoone." harry said.

"fixus dickus" ron said and the car was fixed!

"oh wow i forgot you knew that spell haha' harry said.

ron punched harry in the face.

"shut up kid this is all your fault!" ron said.

"yeah harry." herminone said.

"HEY HEY HEY. i'm sorry" harry said.

"hey potter, you're someone who is in the big trouble now!" someone said.

it was... draco malfoy.

"what do you want malfag?" harry said.

"i know you threw that party and i'm gonna tell on you!" malfog said.

"no!" harry said and screamed.

"hahahahaha...hahahaa...hahahahaha...ha...ha...hahahahahahaha!" malfoy said evilly and deviously.

harry tackled malfoy and started punching him.

"hermy run for help! Plesaer do this for us herminoe!" harry screamed.

"ok" she said and ran away.

"oh no you don't you mud blood bitch!" malfoy said. he cast a spell that frozed hermione!

it was now harry and ron against malfoy and crab and goil. they were out numbereded!

"oh nononon!" ron said!

harry looked and saw the lake near hogwartz.

"SWIM RONNY SWIMMY!" harry said as he ran twoards the lake and swimmed in it away from malyof crab and goil.

they both jumped into the lake and swum as fast as they could.

malfy was about to go in a lake but heard a voice.

"DRACO YOU FAG WHATRE YA DOING?"

it was...dumbleford!

"we're going to kill that mudblood potter and his ginger fuck friend! i mean nothing." malfoy said.

"i don't think so malfoy. you were the one who threw that party, i know it was you." dumbledore said.

"please no it wasnt it was that potter! not fucking me!" malfoy said.

"i don't believe you because you're a stupid piece of shit and a lier." dumbledore said with a mean angry look on his face.

"no albus. please you cannot do fucking this to me!" malfoy said as he got on his knees.

"one million points from slityherin! hahahaha" dumbledore said.

"you motherfucker..." malfoy said.

"WHAT DID YOU FUCKING CALL ME?" dumbledord said.

"you fucking heard me you fag. get him boys." malfoy said as crab and goiled attacked mumbeldore!

they pushed him down and started punching him. harry and ron were watching from the lake.

"professor dumbledore!" they both said.

"oh no you didn't malfag." harry said.

"Yeah!" ron said.

"hey malfag!" harry yelled.

"g'whant?" malfoy siad.

"what's wet and hurts you? water!" harry said. he threw water from the lake to malfoy and it got in his eyes! that gave the dumbler a chance to get up and punch malfoy in the throat.

"awk..." malfoy said. he was coughing up blood.

crab and goil ran away because they were really scared.

"thanks harry and ron for saving my ass." dumbledore said.

"your welcome professy." ron said.

"one hundred points to gryfinnder. and as for this motherfucker, he's going to be going to wizards jail for a bit or a long time for fucking hitting me!" dumbledore screamed loudly at malfoy.

malfoy was crying in fear of albus.

"now you boys get back to your doritory." albus dumbledore said.

"ok thanks professir." harry said. they ran back to the dorm as albus got hermione out of the freezing spell and started to beat malfoy.

"what a crazy night bro." harry said.

"i know im gonna have such a bad fucking hangover!" ron said.

"but we can use your dad's car now to drive to hogsmeed!" harry said.

"no way bro, we need to return it you know what i'm saying." ron said.

"your such a runt ron! he won't even notice it's gone!" harry said.

"ok." ron said.

they said the pass-word (which was actually "ASS-WORD" hee hee hee") and went into the dorm.

"hello you stupid motherfuckers." neville said. he was sitting all by himself and smoking a joint.

"n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-nevlle?" ron said. he wet himself.

neville turned the light on. ron's pants were soaked.

"yeah it's fucking me. and you both are dead for beating me up at the party." neville said. he then pulled out... a fucking gun and pointed it at harry and ron!

"AH" harry and ron screamed. 


	11. Chapter 11

HPUFBFTFT11

Harry vs Neville

nevel pointed the gun at ron and harry and everybody was fucking gone from gryfandor.

"so you fucker make out with my gf and throw up in her mouth."

"yeah but that's farther than your bitch ass got with her I bet." Harry said. neville shot at the ground. he had a magic gun that could be in hogwartz and a special brace that helped his broken hand use the gun.

"FUCK YOU." neville said. ron crapped himself AND pissed himself again

"harry what are we gonna do this is really quite frightening" ron said.

"not shit." harry said.

"Do you know who the fuck you're messing with?"

"a bitch ass who isn't gonna fuck with me. I got mma training and even if you did fucking pull that trigger I'd drop your ass before you could kill even ron."

"oh yeah?" neville said with a frowny face that was really frowny!

"YEAH."

neville aimed the gun at ron's dick. harry took his shirt off.

"you want this fucker?" he said as he pointed to his body. "you want to get fucked up?"

"you tried to take my girl."

"fuck you kid I was just playing." harry said. ron was crying.

"shit if you were just playing you gotta play harder. well I have a solution that won't let me make kill you."

"DON'T SHOOT US. I'M SCARED AND I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU SAY." ron said. harry smacked him.

"think of it as a business deal." neville said and threw a bag of sparkly powder on the table.

"what is that shit." harry said. he wanted to kick its ass.

"it's called magic crack. I made it before the year started. now if you guys don't wanna die, you're gonna sell it. just don't get caught or dumpledore will have your ass. and don't snort that shit or you'll get fucked up hardcore, it's good shit."

"o-o-o-okay kay kay" ron said.

"how much we getting paid for this" harry said.

"you don't get dead."

"okay." they took the magic crack and went to sleep. harry hid it under his bed.

the next day they waited outside a quiditch game that grifender didn't play so no one cared about it.

"who do we sell it too harry? who?"

"let's sell it to cho chang so she'll od and we'll get neville back."

"we should sell it to hermione too. that way if I do something that she'd love that romantically she'd fall for love in with me." ron shouted as hermione came up to them.

"what are you guys d-d-doing?" she said as she saw the drugs. she ran away.

"well fuck I'm guessing she's gonna tell on us."

"you stop her harry, I'll sell the shit. kick her ass."

harry hugged ron and then ran away after hermioned.

"!" He screamed as he ran. she turned around and he tackled her down a staircase. he herd a snapping sound.

"harry I think you broke my back harry why would you do that" she screlped.

"you were gonna tell on us for selling the magic crack. and then nevile would kill us because I made out with cho change. fuck I need a girlfriend."

harry hid hermione in a closet before checking on ron. but ron was gone.

"RON!" ahrra said as he shot magic at everyone.

"WHERE'S RON MOTHERFUCKERS." harry said.

"harry didn't you hear what happened." fred said.

"NO WHAT?"

"fuck shit this isn't fucking cool harry." geoge said.

"TELL ME WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED."

"ron had some magic crack and he was snorting it and it made him fly away and now he's missing."

"shit. now neville's gonna kill me."

harry got his new kickass 2004 broom and flew to the top of hogwartz.

"neville won't find me up here."

"actually fucker you're wrong." neville said. he had a swiss army knife that was all knifes.

"fuck you neville it's not my fault ron snorted the shit. I tried to fucking sell."

"I will give you one more chance, but if you fail I will kill your bitch ass." neville said.

harry gulped and passed out! 


	12. Chapter 12

Harry Potter 12 Back to the Burrow

harry woke up.

"wake up kid" neville said.

"uh-grag...gurg..." harry said. he threw up again.

"ok so since your ginger fuck friend used all my magic crack. you gotta sell twice as much... for the entire school year!" neville said. he was happy and smiling.

"here's what i think your plan" harry said. he spat in nevilles face.

"haha that's really funny... not! you gotta do it harry or else!" neville said. he showed harry his magic gun.

harry gulped hard!

"and your gonna meet me here to give me my money, got that hair-pot?" neville said.

"i got it." harry said.

"you git it?" neville said.

"i git it and i got it" harry said.

"ni-ice!" neville said as he hugged harry.

"you're alright harry. let's be friends! you're gonna be the Magic Crack King Pin" neville said.

"FUCK YOU!" harry said and ran away.

harry ran back to his dormiotory crying.

"oh shit i forgot about fuckin hermione!" he said.

he opened the closet he lockered her in but she wasn't there! colling creevy was though.

"herry! thank dumbeldore, i was in there for weeks. i had to poop on the floor!" collin creevy said.

"kid! just shut up already!" harry said as he screamed and put his hands on his ears.

"harry while i was in there i wrote a song for you harry, wanna hear it?" collin said.

"fuck off collin!" harry said.

"ok here goes... H is for hair, which he has a lot of! A is for awesome, which he has a lot of! R is for retarded, which you are if you think Harry sucks, R is for ron, who is harry's best friend and Y is for you Harry Potter WE LOVE YOU! Harry, h-harry, harry harry. Harry, harry, ha-ha Harry!  
Harry, h-harry, harry harry. Harry, harry, ha-ha Harry!

P is for perfect, which Harry is O is for oh my god, I love Harry Potter he's outstanding T is talent, which he has a lot of T is for too much, which he is!  
E is for enjoyment, which Harry gives us!  
And R is for root beer, which harry loves and enjoys!  
Harry, h-harry, harry harry. Harry, harry, ha-ha Harry!  
Harry, h-harry, harry harry. Harry, harry, ha-ha Harry!

Harry harry, we love you Harry Wouldn't be the same without you, like jam without berries If you were gone, it'd be a weight we couldn't carry Harry you make us merry like a fairy We love you harry, now make us some dairy!

Harry, h-harry, harry harry. Harry, harry, ha-ha Harry!  
Harry, h-harry, harry harry. Harry, harry, ha-ha Harry!" Collin singed to harry.

"oh my fucking god collin, that was like the gayest song ever" harry said.

"did you like it harry? i wrote it myself" collin said.

"here's what i think of it collin." harry said. he walked up to collin and punched him hard in the stomack.

"oh.. ahh!" collin said as he cried a lot.

harry pushed collin back to the floor and kicked him a few times.

"NEVER FUCKING SING A GAY SONG TO ME AGAIN YOU HEAR ME FUCKBOY?" harry said.

he then went to bed as collin layed on the floor bleeding. he somehow got to the nurses and she healed him or something later.

harry woke up and went up to top of the school and was thinking about some deep shit. he had to find a way to not sell magic crack for neville!

"I hate my feelings" harry said.

"harry whats up man, you sell any magic crack?" neville said as he came up.

"fuck you neville" harry said.

"what. what did you say kid?" neville said. he took his magic gun out.

"I SAID FUCK YOU!" harry said.

harry pushed neville off the school!

"oh my god. oh my fucking god! WHAT IS IT THAT I JUST DID?" harry said and screamed.

he ran into the dormitorium and went to herminoe.

"Hermy! im sorry i broked your back but i did something worse!" harry said.

"it's ok harry the nurse healed me with magic and i forgived you but drugs are bad. what did you do now? are you bad?" hermione said.

"i...i...i...fucking...i... fucking pushed neville off of hte school! He's probably dead!" harry said.

"Oh no what are we going to do fucking do?" herminoe said.

"we need to leave. we need... to go back to the burrow! and we can look for ron if anyone asks why we are gone" harry said.

"ok" hermione said.

they ran to ron's dad's flying magic car and drove to the burrow.

they got to the burrow. it was poor looking and old.

they went inside and... ron was there! Watching tv!

"ron you fucking runt!" harry said as he tackled ron.

"harry!" ron said.

"why'd you smoke all of the magic crack?" harry said.

"i don't know. it was fun though but my parents made me go to magic crack rehab but i'm better now. i just went home because i am sick." rom siad.

"ok" harry and hermy said.

"hey let's watch a fucking movie." ron said.

"ok" harry and hermy said.

"the movies are in my parents room, i'll go and get some." ron said.

"ok" harry and hermy said.

"let's watch the dark knight rises on blu ray!" ron said.

"ok" harry and hermy said.

"ok" ron said.

ron went into his parents room.

"mum, dad, i need to grab a fucking movie." ron said. he opened the door.

and he saw something really bad.

ron walked in on his parents having sex! they saw ron but they kept going and didn't stop.

"AH" ron screamed. his eyes got really big and he turned white. he couldn't stop watching his parents have sex no matter how hard he tried. Ron clutched his ears!

"AH GOOGA! AH...AH...AH!" he screamed in pain as his ears started to expand and he threw up pink goo. Then he passed out...in the middle of the his parents room! 


	13. Chapter 13

Chap Chap 13 The New Headmaster

"Ron hurry the fuck up I wanna watch the darc nigyht rises!" harry said. he was mad!

"ron!" hermione said. ron didn't say anything or even a thing. at all.

"what the fuck?! what is wrong with you ron?" harry said. harry and hermione went upstairs and saw ron on the floor. his ears were big.

"ron?" hermine said.

"Gleg blerg forg. Ah ah ahno! Blerb. Exit. " ron said.

"What?" harry said.

"What Ron what?" hermione said. she started to shake ron hard.

"Blooga blago voga kooper." Ronny said.

"whant the fuck is wrong your hearing ears?" harry said.

"Moog...mooger." ron said.

"oh deary me me." ron's dad mr. weasly said.

"oh yes." ron's mom mrs. wesely said.

"i think something bad and wrong happened to ron after he saw me sticking it in my wife. but i was doing so good, i couldn't stop!" mr. weasley said as he winked at hermione and smiled big at her.

"yes i think something's wrong with our son ron weasley." mrs. weasly said,

"AHEE AHEE AHEE!" ron shriekd as he saw his parents and passed out.

"did you hear that harry?" hermione said.

"no what?"

"ron only speaks gibberish now after seeing his parents fuck. don't you understand he only speaks gibberish now after seeing his parents fuck harry!" hermine said!

"oh no! no!" harry said.

"Blork a kork jork fork find... me...the... gure...wert...wert-wert...quibbiggly fobbledly doop. Bloobity blop blop fop fuck." ron said.

"we gotta get ron to a doctor to see if their is a cure and a gure ron is talking about and a cure!" hermione said.

"ok i know and i agree." harry said.

"let us head back to hogwards!" hermione said.

"OK ALRIGHTO!" harry said. they got in the magic flying car with ron as ron's parents started to have sex again on the couch.

they got to the nurses office to see madam poppy pomfree and neville was there! but he was in a body cast!

"what happened to himn?" harry said. he was nervous and was sweating a lot because he knew what he did to nevalle but he asked anyway.

"he fell off the fucking school. he won't be able to talk for a long time or a little bit." the nurse lady said.

"cool" harry said.

"can you cure our ffriend ron "ronny" weasley" ermione said.

"yes he has a disease called seeinghisparentsfuckitusingu s, he'll need day to recover so his ears will retract and sheet." poppy pepper pomfreet said.

"why are his ears big?" harry said.

"what" pomfree said.

"why are his ears big and ginorousmus?" herminoe said.

"be the blood rushed ot his ears instead of his weiner when he witnessed his parents engaging in that thing called sex or fucking or whatever. as i said before they'll go down once i get him the cure. " pomrfey explained with lots of information.

"ok that is very interesting" harry and herminoe said. they went back to their dormytor and collin was there waiting for harry. he was naked and started running and doing carthweels around harry then jumped around.

"step the fuck away collin, you homo bro, what the fuck is fucking wrong with you! FUCK!" harry said. he was mad.

"do you like it harry? I call it the harry dance." collin said as he spun around and whipped his junk back and forth.

Collin performed the Harry Dance for Harrys

"this is the grand finale harry, watch this" collin said as he stood in front of harry.

"collin...what the fuck." harry said.

"WINDMILL WINDMILL WINDMILL!" colon said and sang as he spun his cock around like a windmill.

"you little odd windmill fuckjob you! you went too far this fucking time" harry said. he grabbed collin's fist and put tons of magic super glue on it and shoved it up collin's ass. REALLY far up collin's ass. It was glued to his colon so he couldn't get it out!harry punched collin in the knee so he fell down and broke his arm because it was assjammed up his ass. harry kicked collin in the ribs. harry grabbed his crotch. " see this? you'll never have this! fag!" collin started to cry and harry rolled him down the stairs. "find the nursre office on your own. bitch" harry said.

"studs and students!" the intercom said. "PROGRESSOR DUMB BULL DORE HAS ANNOUCMENT. GO TO THE GRNAD HALL NOW! OK?!"

"I'm a stud." harry said.

" i wonder what hte profressor wants." hermione said.

"i'm a stud, so I'll go and find out." harry said.

"i'm a student." herminoe said.

"ok" harry said.

they went to the Great Hall and there were pamflets and shit on the table. dumbledore was wearing a suit.

"i have a big announcment. I am getting my own movie called Professor Dumblefore the Movie." dumbeldore said.

the students cheered.

"but that's not all children. I also am also getting my own website called dumblr which is like tumblr but only about the best person in this rooom... ME! ME ME! MEE!" dumbledore said in a squeaky voice. "let us take a look at the website." he opened up power point on his macbook and showed the students a lot of helpful information about dumblr. it was mostly naked pictures of dumblrdore's old dumblredore.

"and I will be making my own line of magic doors called Dumble Doors. And my very own line of toilets called Dump-L-Doors." dumbledoor said. he brought out a bunch of Dumbel Doors and a Dumb L Door. THe Dump L Door was like his face but on a toilet. his beard was the toilet paper. It was brown instead of grey.

"so i'm doing all this shit, i will be rolling in deep in cash money, so I can't be headmaster anymore!" dumbledore said.

"aw why professor dumbledore why?" the students all said at once with great sadness.

"because i'll be doing all this shit and rolling in deep in cash money..."dumbledore got on the podium and started to sing "I could have had it all Rolling in the deep You had my heart inside your hand And you played it to the fucking beat"

Harry looked at one of the pamphets, all it said was "Dumbledore gets his own movie and a website called Dumblr along with his own line of magic doors called Dumble Doors. "

"so while i'm gone i'ma make a new headmaster in my abesence and that person is... HARRY POTTER!" dumbledor said. he pointed at harry and harry floated to the stage.

"oh wow ... why me? WHY ALBUS?" harry said.

"i dunno bitch. good luck though. enjoy your free t shirt" dumbledore said. he ran away. harry put on his shirt that said "headmaster". He was really scared! he ran to the dormitory and cho chang was there crying.

"what are you doing here bitch?!" harry said.

"i did something really bad harry!" cho chang said.

"yeah you didn't get with me, that's always a bad choice." harry said as he flexed his muscle.

"no harry... i cheated on neville with collin and cheated on collin with other mens!" cho chang said.

"ha! he's not a man like me with MMA training and magic up the ass." harry said.

"i slept with other guys after he got injured harry. harry!" cho chang said.

"what?" harry said.

"harry i'm pergnant harry!" cho chang said.

"WHA?" harry said. he spun around a few times and passed out.


	14. Chapter 14

14. Harry Potter the forteenth Shapter.

chapter 14: harry and cho's big fucking date in hogzmeed

harry was feeling pretty frulting legit, he was the headmester but cho chang was pregnant so that sucked.

"at least the kid's not mine" harry said as he decreed that all clances were cassled. (heh)

"actually harry it could be. I am cho chang. you were one of the four thousand students I fucked this year."

"I DID?!" harry said as he ran up to the ceiling and freaked the fuck out while listening to dubstep.

"yeah remember we did last night at the party."

harry nearly exploded in more ways than one when he erfed those words into his hearing ears.

"yeah. I'll date you now I guess."

"YOU WIIILL!L!" Harry said as he high fived himself. he ran to a magic skype station and called ron.

"hey ron."

"fup?"

"cho chang's gonna date me"

"but she's pregnant with a child."

"yeah but she's gonna go out with me."

"that's cool I guess but you'll have to deal with having a kid and stuff."

"yeah but I might get to fuck her."

"she's not that great in bed harry."

"yeah whatever fuck you ron and go fuck yourself by yourself you fucking ginger fuck. Fuck you. fuck you."

"talk to you later harry."

"yeah you too."

"let's go to hogsmede cho chang for our first date."

"yeah whatever."

They went to hogsmede on their first date. it was snowing which harry thought was fucking romantic. he tried to make out with cho chang but she looked away.

"FUCK YOU BITCH I THOUGHT WE WERE DATING!" he screamed and jumped and fist pumped angrily. He was really really mad!

"let's go look at stuff here."

"okay! maybe we can make out and sex later!"

harry and cho went to each place in the hogsmede and they saw stuff. harry had lots of wizard money now that he was headmaster and he made it rain in every place and asked cho chang to strip for him but she almost did and then she didn;t.

"hey harry now that you're the headmaster can you sign this paper that passes all my fucking classes." cho chang said after the hanging out was done.

"yes! anything for youuuu!" harry said as he signed it with his "wand" which he dipped in ink.

"actually harry I lied to you." she pulled a pillow out from her shirt

"the fuck where's the baby."

"i was just pretending to have a baby and go on a date with you because I wnated you to pass me because I fucking hate this school and want to gradutate. and also you're a fucking nerd with glasses and fuck. You're ugly."

"b-bub you said we had sexual intercourse!"

"I lied about that too. you're so desperate to fuck me that you'd believe me if I told you we did when we did fucking not fuck."

chang cho left and harry fucking cried and shit. ron and hermy showed up.

"hello harry potter. what is wrong?"

"it's just that fucking bitch cho chang is a fucking bitch and she used me. being the headmaster sucks."

"it's too bad we'll have to get revenge now."

ron and hermione took off their ron and hermione costumes to show that they were actually...MALFOY AND VOLDEMORT! voldemort was still malfoy's ass.

"hey potter, I've had fucking time to shit around and preplan my revenge."

"you got a voldemort on your butt."

"harry we have formed the we hate harry as headmaster club. WHHAH!" voldemort said. suddenly a lot fucking of the students at hogwarts, snape and some of the other teachers sur fucking rouned him.

"why the fuck."

"because you're the worst headmaster of the school ever. even worse than drumplederp who was fucked in the head. and we hate you. so now, we're gonna kill you."

voldemort threw up a remote control. malfoy pushed the big red button on it.

"harry do you know what happened in pearl harbor"

"no"

"it was this place that the world war 2 japenese attacked. this device opens up magic time portals. our team is gonna be really big now."

a time portal opened above hogwarts. a bunch of world war 2 japan planes came through it and started bombing hogwarts.

"hey harry...colin creevy was still inside but everybody else escaped the school." voldemort said with magical elements.

"hahahahahahahahahahahaa" everyone even harry said. colin creevy was dead.

"but seriously harry you better run away back into the ruins of the school, which is now destroyed, if you wanna fucking try and stop us."

"Okay"

harry ran into the school and found a bunker to hide from the world war 2 japan planes. his friends were there, and cho chang.

"harry what happened harry the school is being attacked." hermione said.

"harry!" ron said.

"malfoy made a bunch of world war 2 japan planes come from time travel to today to attack hogwarst and they got a bunch of teachers and students on their side because they all hate me because they dit'nt think I be a good headmaster."

"but fuck harry. shit."

"we gotta fuck their shit up." hermione said.

"how the fuck hermione."

"we need the united states army." 


	15. Chapter 15

15 Harry Potter the fiftheenth Shapter.

Harry Potter Uses Facebook For The First Time

Chapter 15: The Beginning of the End

"WHHAH! WHHAH!WHHAH! WHHAH! WHHAH!WHHAH! WHHAH! WHHAH!WHHAH!" malfoy, voldemort, the teachers and jhapense world 2 war people chanted outside to annoy and scare harry. WHHAH! stood for the we hate harry as headmaster club. the japaense were bombing hogwarts but their bombs sucked so it wasn't hurting them at all!

"we gotta fuck their shit up." hermione said.

"how the fuck hermione."

"we need the united states army."

"the what?" ron said.

"ron." harry said.

"what is that? what's an army?" ron said.

"ron your such a runt ron, an army is a group of fuckers who shoot fuckers and kill them sometimes too." harry said.

"ok that's intriguafating." ron said. He was very interested.

"i know who can help us! since i'm headmaster dumbledore hooked me up with a magic phone." harry said.

"ok cool." ron said.

"i know right?" harry said.

"what's on this magic phone?" harmoinie said.

"i'll show your ass what's on this magic phone, come on to the my office with me, harry potter." harry potter said.

"wait! harry you ugly little nerd, why are the world war 2 japs attacking the school! shit-fuck!" cho chang said.

"fuck you cho change, you bronke my heart." harry said.

"i know, but let me come with and i'll help you." cho change said. "I want to leave the school but they're bombing it so I can't so it's scary so I'll help you so I can bleave because I can't now because they're bombing it so I can't so it's scary so I'll help you so I Can LEAVE."

"ok" harry said.

"let's go on our way then." ron said.

"wait, cho chang, sicne i'm headmaster... will you give me some head?" harry said with a big ass grin on his face.

cho chang smacked harry with her face.

"ow that hurt so bad." harry said as he started to cry.

"let's go then shall we on our way?" ron said..

=+-/FIVEMINUTESLATERFIVEMINUTESL ATERFIVEMINUTESLATER-+=/

"hello obama?" harry said as he picked up the magic phone.

"yo hair-pot! what the fuck is up" onbama said.

"we need your fucking help, the world war 2 japanese have attacked ."

"Nah that's gay, the japenese are cool. they created the wii and pokemon."

"but they are taccking us! it is the www2 gampenese."

"nah time travel is improsible bitch."

obama hung up the phone with his ass.

"Being the headmaster is quite the more difficultly than you once expected, eh Harry?" ron said.

"yeah bitch. it fucking sucks and fucks."

"hey harry what if you use the spell clugidous forgodongus fuck. it will make the planes go away. but only you can do it because you are harry potter, and a spledous harry potter too. we all love you and know you can defeat the world war 2 jappanes. their japlanes can't stand a spell form harry potter, because harry potter is my hero." hermione said.

"yeah" harry said and cast the spell. the japanese all got teleported to antfarticka but nobody lived their so they didn't die or kill any more people for now. neville showed up, he was hiding in the school and healed and didn't hate harry anymore! for now!

"I guess it worked." neville said. "hey you bitches. let's fuck yup wah's shitness."

"yeah ok"

they went outside to conformt the whahs.

"WHHAH! WHHAH!WHHAH! WHHAH! WHHAH!WHHAH! WHHAH! WHHAH!WHHAH!" they was still chenting.

"it's over malfag and voldermort. i sent the world war 2 japanese back in time and they went away! you're done and over, bitch!" harry said. snaped walkled forward.

"i betrayed you voldemort! I wasn't really on your side-haha! i actually love harry potter. he is good to me and made me some great fucking chocolate! come students! to me! and join harry! on his side!" snape said.

the students and teachers all ran next to harry to support him. they were only on malfoy and voldemort's side because they were scrared!

"we stand by YOU HARRY POTTER." the students all said at once.

"fuck you!" voldemort said.

"we're are going to get you for this!" malfoy said. malfoy/voldermort, crab and goile all ran into the forbidden forst to hide

"we won!" harry said.

"harry! harry! harry! harry! harry! harry! harry! harry! harry!" the students and harry and ron and hermione said as they celebranted!


	16. Chapter 16

16 Harry Potter the sixteeeenth Shapter. like shit plus a chapter. because snape ate harrys shit

Harry Potter Uses Facebook For The First Time

Chap Chap 16: Voldemort's Revenge!

Voldy-mort, Malfoy and Crabey And Al Goile were all in their secret forrest castle in the forbidden forest after getting defeated by harry potter!

"i can't believe we got defeated by harry potter!" malfoy said.

"right? ok shut it." voldemort said.

"we want to destroy harry potter!" crabbe and al goyle said.

"yes yes i know. shut it all up crap and boil!" malfoyg said.

"we neeeeed a plantid planny plan." voldemort said.

"i know and i have an idea, we will use choppers to air-lifted hogwarts and put it somewhere fucking else pereferably somewhere bad that that potter wouldn't like it being!" malfoy said.

"i like that idea. and i need a body! I'm fucking tired of being your butt!" voldymort said.

"i'm fucking tired of you being my butt! you asshole!" malfoy said to voldemort as crab and goil laufged at his funny joke.

"the plan, the plan." crab and goil said leaning from side to side together (holding hands).

"yes we will. I will finally get that potter, he's such a fucking potter." malfoy said as he laughs eivilly.

"so what's fucking plan" voldy-mort says.

"the plan is...bleh..." malfoy said as he started to explain the plan.

_-MeanwhileatHogwartsMeanwhile atHogwartsMeanwhileatHogwart sMeanwhileatHogwartsMeanwhil eatHogwarts-_

WHAT IS IT THAT I JUST DID DO?" harry said and screamed. he held his arms out as the kids cheered.

"you saved the school harry from mumblefuck and the dumbass fuckers."

"oh. well fuck. Hey bitches! we're having a fucking of the hizzy partizzy tonight. it's gonna be fucking tits." he hoped he would get to see some.

harry packed his mma clothes for the party in the great hall. he got some dubstep dj's to play magical dubstep, which is like dubstep but better.

"hey harry old chum" ron said,

"yeah"

"are you gonna try and score tonight at the party? I think I'm gonna try for fucking second base with hermy, unless she's reading a book or something."

"cho chang is doesn't like me though. who else is there."

"there's lots of babes baybeh." ron said doing air guitar. "just pick one and stick one. stick your dick in a girl I mean."

"oh! good idea"

harry wanted to run on the rooftop and to parkoor but he didn't. he gelled his hair in a fo-hawk which looked rad. all the students were outside the party.

"harry we can't starty the party with out you." porcy said.

"then bithces welcome the fuck to the I saved your asses party" harry said as he kicked the door floors open with his wand. everybody ran in. excepct neville.

"hey harry I got something I think you should have."

"what is is is IS it nevolio?" harry sad.

"it's a magic roofie. i hear you want to fuck some chicks."

"yes I would like that a lot thank you very much.''

"just put in the drink and they'll fall asleep. it doesn't count as bad, it counts as sex"

harry took the pillz and shoved them up his pucket.

then he saw luna lovegood. he strutted the fuck over to her. she had a tiny dildo necklace.

"sup. you're luna lovegood. do you love good?"

she laughed. a lot. like so much harry was fucking scared (but turned on too, if you were like right in front you could see his boner through his robe)

"hey you want to go to the bar and get some drinks." harry said. luna said ok and they went to the bar where everyone was wub wub wubbing to the dub dub dubstep.

harry put the roofy in his drink and drunk it. he watched luna drink and got really hard because she was going to fall asleep soon! but then harry felt woozy. he put da drunk on the bar (hagrid was the bartender)

"hey you had too much to drink pal" hargrard sud.

"FUCK YOU!" harry yelled and was gonna fire him but then he fell asleep.

he woke up and malfoy was asstanding above him. his ass was above harrys face and he farted.

"sick bro, what the fuck."

"this is the start of my plan. we are using the world war 2 japanese to airlift hogwars. and also potter, you potter look in the fucking meer and the spell I did to you."

harry ticked down a miror and saw that his scar had been turned into a scar shaped like a penis.

"ahh you bitch" harry said.

"Nyeheh nyeheh nyeheh" malyfoly and crarmp and al golye said.

hogwarts got lifted, and harry could feel it in his loins~! (his balls)

"and now we're gonna dump you in spain, because fuck spain." malfoy said.

"noooo" the students said. they were all really hung over from the party.

"YOU FUCKER YOU MADE ME MISS THE PARTY I WAS GONNA HAVE SEX YOU BASTARD"

"oh mr. potter" voldemort says "still a virgin lol"

"SHUP" harry said as he shot magic at volder and dalfoy. the spell made them feel funny, and then they split up into two people, but voldemeowrt was a midget now.

"no I'm a little person how will I complete my plan FUCK"

"hhahahaha" harry and all the students said.

"it doesn't matter potter, you potter, the school is already gone.

but then a bright rainbow light floed into the great hall, and dumbledore came down riding a unicorn.

"harry you have done a very bad job as headmaster. there have been no classes and too many partying! the students can only take so many hangouver."

"dumbledor save the school because their gonna drump us in spain and I don't think any of us wanna go there amirite"

"lol yeah" dymdore said. he threw voldemort a potion.

"here drink that it'll make you tall."

"ok" voldemort said and drank it. it was a stinky potion and he disapeared.

"now hearry hear harry, I need your help to fix the school. you gotta go to dumblr and do a spell."

"eww dumbledore that's all pictures of you naked."

"yeah but it'll save the scool."

"cool ok"

harry got on a laptop and googled dumblr (careful not to google his doodle, because doing that to dumblr would be gross)

"ewww dumbledore it's nasty. I can see your balls." he really could.

"now do the spell rectumius fuckyouius"

"ok" harry did it and the school was saved. the japenses frome world war 2 kept flying because they couldn't dell the school had gone to home normal place.

"my plan" malfoy cried and rolled on his ass and face. "nooo"

"wow malfoy if that plan lasts as long as you do in bed then I feel bad for all the guys you fuck not getting fully pleasured hahahahha"

everoyne laughed at harrys funny joke and at malfoy and blew bubbles at him angrily while making a sound like "BBBLBLBLBLBLBL"

"alright I'm gonna be the fucking headmaster again. any fucking objections?" dumbledore said.

"no lol" everybody said.

everyone was really happy and smiled for the rest of the day even though classes.

"now I have to find luna lovegood again and lover her good." harry said.

next time more people arrive at hogwarts who are very very bad and they almost kill ron. 


	17. Chapter 17

next time more people arrive at hogwarts who are very very bad and they almost kill ron. Harry and ron play NBA 2k13. harry goes on date with luna. terrorists and pink goo invade hogwards.

Happy Popper Chapter 17: The Bad Thing Happens

harry woke up, he decided to skip class cuz that shit is gay. school was dumb an d pointlkess.

he wnet onver to ron.

"Ronny whats crack a lackin? wake up." harry said as he grabbed ronn's arms and made them do weird things.

"woogidy woo" harry said as he gave ron a noogidy noogie.

"hah what uh?" ron said.

"let's skip class today" harry said.

"but harry." ron said.

"but ron." harry said putting his hands on his sides and tilting to the side so ron knew he wasn't fucking around.

"shut up. harry. ok? just shit up. what is that you want from me, ronny weasly?" rjon siad.

"lets skip class today because that shits major league gay haha" harry said.

"ok." ron said.

"yeah." harry said.

"but we took the last month off bewcauze youw were head masters" ron said,

"i don't wanna go to scoopy stupid school!" harry said as he threw his books atthe groungd. he was mad! "GRRRAH."

"me fucking either?" rorn wesasly said.

"lets get high and play NBA2K13 on my XBOX 360." harry the potter siad.

"ok." rong said.

ron and harry got super fucking blazed up. with a bong.

"ron your such a fucking scrub. look at how easily i'm beating you!" harry said. harry did a slam dunk.

"BEAST MODE!" harry said loud.

"harry...harrry...you're so fucking flingity." ron said. "swoosh."

"yeah...i am. no wait fuck you ron, your toooo fucking high." harry said.

"fuck you harry." ron said. he taclked harry and started trying to pinch his ass cheek.

they rolled down the stairsz and went into rest of hte doritomantry.

harry erolled out and grabbed ron's hair and started to pull on it.

"aaaaah jeroff me bitch!" ron said. he punched harry in the gut and tried to tie him up with his own arms. harry grabbed a pen and jabb'd it into rong's kidney.

"owo-wow-o!" ron said. he started to piss hius pants because now his kidney was not fuckngin working!

"are u fighting your boy friend...you potter?!" malfoy said. dumbelred made malfoy and crapbe and goiyle the school's janitors for turning on the school!

"shut the fuck up malfag...or should i say...malgay!" harry said.

"hahahaha thats funny harrily." ron said.

but malfoy didn't think that what harry said was funny. he frowned really big like and opened his mouth to show ron and harry his teeth to scare them and said "MEUHHHH" to scare them also.

"you motherfuckers think this is a motherfucking game, fuckind don't you?" malofy said.

but harry didn't think this was a motherfucking game.

"kid i will fuck you up, try me." harry said.

"your not worth it, you potter." malfoy said.

"WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOING MALFOW?" someonme said. it was...dumblreode!"

"noothing prinicapl dumblore.''malfoy said. he was super afraid of dumpledore.

"GET BACK TO WORK YOU FAG." dumblore. malfoy started to cry because he had to clean toiletz and they all had diarea in them!

Dumbledore left. a sceond later an announcemtnet was announce over the anniouced thing shit.

"ATTENTION STUPID STUDENTS PRINICPIAL PRINCIPALLY ALBUS DUMBLY DOOR HAS AN ANNOUCMENT TO ANNOUNCE SO GET YOU ASS TO THE GREAT GRAND HALL OK?" it said.

"i woner what he wnats." ron said.

"i dunno" harry said,

"ok" ron said.

they wnet toe the great hall. there was a lot of food there like cupcakes and french fries. :)

"attention stupdients, i have one big assed announcment to tell the lot of all of you." dumpledore said.

"we are turning hogwarts into a cruise ship and WE ARE ALL GOING ON FUCKING VACATION." dumbledore said.

everyone cheered.

"but how?" ron said.

"yes." hermoine said.

"hogwarts ain't a bloated boat, it's a fucking castle." harry said.

"shut it potter. "malfog said.

"FUCK YOU!" harry said.

"it's alreday been done since i'm such a fuckin powerful wizard, take a lookity look." dumbledore said. everyone ran up the windows.

"stop! let harry fucking look first." the dumblr himself said.

harry looked. it was true, hogwarts was now in the middle of the fucking ocean.

"LETSSSSS PARTY BITCH!" harry said. he grabbed a bottle of yaygermister from his backpack and drank the whole thing whole.

everyone started to get durunk and high and dubstep played out of the great hall.

ron came up to harry. his eyes were red. like really red. if you were there it'd look like he had catch-up in his eyes they were so fucking red lol.

"harry man... i'm so fucking baked bro. and i got the mnuches, can you help me duderino?" ron said,

"ron your such a runt ron but i can help you." harry took his wand out.

"doritos appearos!" harry said, a giant fucking bag of dorintios appeapred.!

"wow harry that's so cool and i'm so baked man haha." ron said.

"yeah you fucking are hahaha" harry said.

"yeah." ron said,

"i'm gonna go outside and get high too because you're are high and i would like to get high." harry said.

"you do that harry." ron said.

harry went to the top of the school. he looked at the ocean. it was blue.

"the ocean is so fucking blue." harry said. he threw up on it because he was drunk.

then harry saw something coming towards the school. it was big and blue and not good. it was... an iceberg!

harry took his iphone 5 out and took a picture of it to make sure it was real.

"oh my fucking god." harry said.

he looked really hard at the iceberg but not like the hard in his pants when he saw luna lovegood. he saw that... the iceberg was made out of toothpaste.

"AH A MOTHERFUCKXING TOOTHPASTE ICEBERG AH!" harry said. he ran around in a circle then peed his pants and passed out. it was too much for him to handle.

when he woke up he was awake. the school was gone and he was on an island. the other kids were there too.

"oh shit we shipwrecked hogwards." 


	18. Chapter 18

hary potter 18th chapter like a drunk 18 birthday party but with more fucking magic and shit

the chapter is called "oh shit we crashed hogwarts onto an island"

"lol" harry said as they put hogwards like fluckgt 815 from fucking lost or some shit. "like fucking lost or some shit" harry said.

"harry shit harry fuck we're shitted here" ron said. his pants got blown off showing his gingery legs which kinda grossed everyone out a bit.

"fucking kids" mcgongal said. "snape is missing so he's probz dead. we're gonna have to make a new society here until we can charge up our magic to turn this fluck back to not muck."

"what" neville said.

"we're gonna have to build houses, new places for our homes to be until normal can happen" hermply said.

"ok" ron said.

"ron put on some fucking pants you retard" harry said as he slapped him then bro hugged him "love you homie."

"thanks harry maybe you can use your magic to make some pantaloons for me."

"no I can't"

"why not"

"all the magic is gone and we need all the magic so deal with it. at least we can't see your junk, that'd be nasty because it'd be all pasty and ginger"

"yeah it's pretty bad but no girl told me that yet"

harry punched ron in the dick because he didn't want to hear about getting some, because it made him want to get some, and he couldn't get any from ron because ron was a guy and harry was a guy and harry aint into that.

harry went into the jungle even though e'rone was telling him to do work on the beach camp. he whispered to himself "aint taking shit from no one, bitches aint shit, fuck them bitches" until he got to a deeper part of the jungle.

"maybe they're some babes skinny dipping. i know that's what I'd do if I was on an island. shit it's hot" he said as he took all his clothes off. when he was buck ass nude (like that guy in avengers said lol funny movie) he jumped in and swam around.

he herd a girl talking and he nearly flipped the fuck out (literally) until he saw that it was ginny (gross).

"gross" harry said.

"oh shit harry there you are we crashed on an island but none of the students died or anything but a proffesoor did lol can you guess who it was?"

"fuck ginny you're gross and weird leave me alone." harry really wanted to jack it but ginny was a fucking major turn off.

"shit okay dumbass go have fun being naked and alone."

"whatever bitch."

"wanna make out?"

"no."

"ok" ginnay said and layeft.

"fuck I better go back to the beach camp and see if any bitches want the d"

harry saw that his pants were gone because ron took them. he knew ron took them because as he got out of the water he saw ron taking them.

"ron are you taking my pants"

"how do you know"

"because I can see you taking my pants"

"well yes harry I'm taking your pants"

"okay"

"do you want them. also you're naked lol"

"fuck you ron I was trying to get some."

"that's not how you get sex harry. you gotta like have a relationship or be more physically attractive"

Harry did a jump kick and almost knocked ron's beady little ginger frekels off.

"ow'

"that's what you get bitch."

"whatever harry I bet a copy of call of duty MW4 I can get sex more than you can get sex before today we get rescued."

"you're fucking on bitch."

harry ran away and went into the water again. he thought about how he was gonna win the bet.

"fuck I miss facebook"

harry felt a disturbance in the water. he flipped over and saw snape there.

"shit potter put some fucking pants on." snape magicked some pants up and onto harry

"shit it's you"

"of course it's me. you bitches crashed onto my island resort. I got a hotel and casinos and shit but I'm not fucking telling you where it is. you all gotta live in the wilderness."

"whatever snape I'm gonna get jungle sex and win a bet."

"good luck lol" snape said and left.

"fuck I gotta find someone to fuck. now who's ron gonna fuck?"

harry then knew what he had to do, have sex with the one person ron want to. hermione. he ran to the beach and tried to think of what he would do next. hermione.

then ron was walking through the forest all sweaty (if you were right by him you'd see that he'd look even more white lol)

he went through the bushes and saw something scary bad and fucking nasty. it was his parents fucking again, but this time it was butt fucking (lol)

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO" RON SCREAMED AS HE NEARLY EXPLODED. then he passed out. 


	19. Chapter 19

Hizzarry Pizzotter Chapter 19

Things Get Fucked

"fuck this island shit hermione wanna fuck me?"

"Harry you always call me a bitch why would I fuck you?"

"I don't know"

"I'd fuck ron before I'd fuck you. that's what I'd do."

"okay I guess I lost then"

"cool" Hermione said.

"but hermione seriously tho keep up the boox and shit because a real man like me don't need no books to get a career"

"ok harry"

"I'll go tell ron. that he won." harry said.

"ok" hermione said.

"what?"

"I said ok"

"oh" harry said

"hey harry. Okay?"

"yeah"

"fuck this shit I'm gonna go find snape's secret island resort."

"SNAPE HAS A SECRET ISLAND RESORT?" everyone said. they all picked up harry and tore the shit apart out of the fuwucking jungle until they found snape's palace. he was tanning in a speedo reading eskquire. he was stroking his speedo a bit wierdly looking at pictures in the magazine.

"SNAPE SNAPE SNAPE SNAPE" everyone said.

"SHIT" snape said. "FUCK THIS SHIT UPPITY"

snape cast that spell when the students started tearing the resort apart and fucking literally fucking parts of the school. a couple of his workers died before the spell happened.

then everything got weird.

A/N: THIS IS THE PART OF THE CHAPTER THAT EVERYTHING GETS WEIRD IN

Now wearing purple robes, Snape was not pants. You change the colors of the rainbow is empty.

Look at the other people, Harry is his face and skin, all was stupid. They talk funny too.

Harry. "Fuck shit what happened," said the eerie. "I fuck. Am curious too"

"Harry did not curse Snape Harry weirdening" Hermione said. "Harry"

"Ron," Ron said

"What do we. What do I do," Harry said. THIS SUCKS

I said, "Yeah, it does not" Snape is about what he did and felt really bad. He cried a bucket

Then, a new friend appeared. Shirisu blackl was it!

"It's a HOLY SHIT FUCKING Kids of them," said Shirisu.

"It is Shirisu my friend., We. Do You need a shit and help" Let's not kicking the Shirisu in penis Harry is nice and Harry in had been angry at the color of the sun legally I said.

"I do not FUCK FUKCING to know some of the magic and shit"

"SHIT"

"KKNOW Harry I I I'm SCARDY FUCK" says Shirisu transformed into a dog

(Laughs) "now, you're a dog"

Shirisu "Yeah (laughs)," he said.

Ron is hard petted a lot, him too. It was eerie.

"Fuck off Ron. Shit"

"Harry, I am. Voldemort is that you can not control me."

Everyone was really afraid to cry.

Harry this "anyone out I got the fuck is cool," said take off his shirt.

"It is.'s Harry Potter Oh shit," said Voldemort. Now, he was a freckle on the face of Ron.

"You want to do this Voldemort"

"Yeah, I do not."

"You want to shit thsi"

"Because I thought he would be better than ass bunch of some, but I saw the children of ginger this fucking yeah. I had been visiting the resort of Snape and beltratix lastraynj"

"LOL"

"I have the right to know"

"But, oh shit. Gotta fuck you now."

Harry was the avada kedarva, it killed Ron and Hermione and everone at the resort.

Harry "shit" is said. He used a Time-Turner to go back in time!

A/N: the weird part is over don't worry! it's ok

harry time travelled to when things got weird but to harry they were looked normal,. Snape was now wearing a purple bathrobe, but no underpants. the sky changed colors to rainbows.

harry looked at the other people, and their faces and skin was all loopy. they talked funny too.

"shit what the fuck happened." harry said weirdly. "I am not weird this time."

"harry snape did the weirdening curse harry" hermione said. "harry"

"ron" ron said

"what do we do." harry said. this sucks

"yeah it does" snape said he felt really bad about what he did. he cried buckets

then a new friend appeared. it was siris blackl!

"HOLY SHIT IT'S THOSE FUCKING KIDS" Siris said.

"it is my friend siris. we need help and shit." harry said trying to be nice and not kicking siris in the dick because harry was legit pissed at the color of the sun.

"FUCK I DON'T FUKCING KNOW MAGIC OR SOME SHIT"

"SHIT"

"FUCK I KKNOW HARRY I'M SCARDY" siris said turning into a dog

"lol you're a dog now"

"yeah lol" siris said.

ron petted him a lot, too hard. it was creepy.

"shit ron back the fuck off."

"harry I can't. voldemort is controlling me."

everyone got really scared and cried.

"everyone chill the fuck out I got this" harry said taking his shirt off.

"oh shit it's harry potter." voldemort said. he was a freckle on ron's face now.

"you want this voldemort"

"yeah I do."

"you want thsi shit"

"yeah. I was visiting snape's resort with beltratix lastraynj and i saw this fucking ginger kid so I thought he'd be better than some faggot's ass"

"lol"

"I know right"

"but ahhh shit gotta fuck you up now."

harry didn't do avada kedarva, he took a little ehkakto nife and cut ron's freckle off. voldemort flew away and everything turned back to normal.

"shit let's get the fuck off this fucking island I'm sick of this shit" dumbledore said. he summoned the death eaters who brunged everyone and the school back to the right place.

but shit was brewing at hogwarts, the dark wizrard known as cruck lucks was waiting for harry potter. and he was fucking pissed the shit off. 


	20. Chapter 20

Hairy Pot Chapter 20

A/n this isnt like my red ded story okay it's fucking not. they're on the hogwarts train ok? THEIR ON THE FUCKIN HOGWARTS TRAIN SO SHUT YOUR GODDAMNFUCKING MOUF YA HEARD! ? thats not exactly what happened in the Read Dead story so shut the fucking mouth of yours up and fuck ?

FUCK. also shoutout to paco for his awezome review of this storyz. thanx pacoo!

the kids were going back to hogwarts. they weren't on the island anymore.

"that island was gay." ron said.

"i know it was hella gay." harry said.

"shut up you potter." malfoy said.

"fuck you malfag i bet you didn't even get some like i did." harry said. but harry didn't get any hot sex actioning on teh islaind. he was lieing!

"your not only a potter your a gay potter. you probably don't even have a fucking penix" malfoy sia.d

"i do too have a fucking penis." harry said.

"i bet if you do it's small hahahahaha HAHAHHAH" malfoy screamed and laughed right in harrys face!

"my dick is sooooo swoll ima need two or maybe even THREEE condoms to fuck your mom malfog" harry said. (18) as the kids got back to howarts. harry was talking about his penis and how big it was because no one believeded him!

"shut the fuck up you potter. your dick is gay and so are you!" malfoy said.

"fuck you malfag my dick is not a fag but you are!" harry says.

"try me on for size like some extra large frenmch fries, bitch." malfoy said.

"OH!" everyone said because malfy just dissed harry hard core! harry magicked up a microfone and started to rap and he rarped this song.

"Cause I ain't goin out like a sucker, no way I'm nice right now, I, I feel good If you have a drink, would you please put it in the air

That party last night was awfully crazy I wish we taped it I danced my ass off and had this one girl completely naked Drink my beer and smoke my weed But my good friends is all I need Pass out at three, wake up at 10 Go out to eat, then do it again, man I love Hogwarts..

I wanna go to Hogwarts for the rest of my life Sip banker's club, and drink Miller Lite On Thursty Thursday and Tuesday Night Ice And I can get pizza a dollar a slice So fill up my cup Lets get fucked up (lets get fucked UP!)  
I'm next on the table,  
Who want what? (What?!)  
I am champion, at beer pong,  
Allen iverson hakeem olajuwon Don't even bounce, not in my house Better hope you make it otherwise you naked Time isnt wasted when youre getting wasted Woke up today and all I could say is, um

That party last night was awfully crazy I wish we taped it I danced my ass off and had this one girl completely naked Drink my beer and smoke my weed But my good friends is all I need Pass out at three wake up at 10 Go out to eat, then do it again Man I love Hogwarts (hey!)  
And I love drinking And I love women (bitches)  
Man I love Hogwarts

I cant tell you what I learned from school,  
But (nah) I could tell you a story or two, um Yeah of course I learned some rules Like dont pass out with your shoes on (get the sharpie!)  
And dont leave the house til the booze gone And dont have sex if shes too gone When it comes to condoms, put two on (trust me)  
And tomorrow night, find a new joint Hold the beer bong, nothing wrong with some fun Even if we did get a little bit too drunk Time isnt wasted when youre getting wasted Woke up today and all I can say is

That party last night was awfully crazy I wish we taped it I danced my ass off and had this one girl completely naked Drink my beer and smoke my weed But my good friends is all I need Pass out at three wake up at 10 Go out to eat, then do it again Man I love Hogwarts And I love drinking And I love women I love Hogwarts

Now, if everyboyd would please put their drink As high as they can, as high as they can And repeat after me:

Chug chug chug chug chug chug chug Freshman freshman freshman freshman Do somethin crazy! Do somethin crazy! Do somethin crazy! Do somethin crazy!  
Keg stand Keg stand Keg stand Keg stand

That party last night (Man I love Hogwarts, love it, I love it!)  
THat party last night

Alright everybody, I gotta head back to class for a little bit

That party last night was awfully crazy I wish we taped it (you konw its going down)  
I danced my ass off and had this one girl completely naked Drink my beer and smoke my weed (youre all invited)  
But my good friends is all I need (bring your friends)  
Pass out at three wake up at 10 Go out to eat, then do it again Man I love Hogwarts

I love Hogwarts, do I really have to graduate or can I just stay here for the rest of my life?" harry said/sanged/sunged/rapped.

"potter you suck. that song was not tits, it was the opposite of tits, it was dick. you fucking potter." malfoy said.

"your mom sucks!" harry said.

"OH!" everyone said really loud so fucking loud the grund shooked. seriously if you were their you'd feel the fucking grownd shake,

"you better take that back you motherfucking basterded pothead potter fuckin fucker." malfoy said.

"hahaha" ron said. he pointed and laufghed at malfoy!

"Fuck you you weasley weezle. your mom is whore." malfoy said.

"u better shut ur mouth u cheeky little cunt i swer to christ i'll hook u in the gabber m8" ron said.

"DAMN when did he grow some balls" malfoy said.

"when he realized he had no soul" harry said.

"THATS ENUFF OF THIS BULLSHIT." Drumble door said. he came in and magicaly sep-r-8'ed malofy and harry.

"I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HEAR WITH YOU MUTHERFUCKER." dumblrdore said to malfoy and kinda said it to harry to but not really becuz dumbledore liked harry but not in a gay way.

"im so sorry mr. drimple derp i mean dumbladoor." malfoy said. he ran away because he didn't want dumbledore to beat him again. dumblore chased after malfoy.

"wow that was crazy shit that just happened right here in hogwarts." harry said.

"i know it was." ron said.

"I'll show you some shit HARRY POTTER." someone said. everyone truend and looked at who said that thing that was just said by someone but no one knew who it was that just said the thing that was being saying by someone who said it.

"who the bloodie fuck are you?" harry said.

"I AM CRUCKS LUCKS. and you harry potter are fucks out of lucks! I'm a dark wizerd sended by voldy-mord to kill you hahaha! it was me that made a broom get stuck up your butt whole and i also hacked your facebook and sent cho changed messages and called her choad chang and shit to piss you off haha...ah...AH AH...hahaha." crucks lucks said. he was a fat wizard in a black robe and he smelled like a fat guy only smellier and he wore a lot of axe because he was trying to be cool like the kids but he wasnt because he was a fat fuck and a dark wizard. he had a cool fucking beard tho

"YOU FUCKING PILE OF FUCKING SHIT ILL KILL YOU I COULD OF GOTTEN LAID IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR BITCH ASS. IM GONNA FUCK YOU UP" harry said. he ran at Crux Lux and tried to use his MMA moves on him.

"AVEDA KANDERVA!" Crux lucks said. he cast a spell. HE WAS GONNA KILL HARRY POTTER!

"NO." ron said.

"HARRY." herminoe said.

"HARRY NO." ron said.

NO HARRY NO! NO!" herminoe said.

"AHHHH" harry said as he stopped and saw the green shiz from the spell coming strate at him.

but someone got in front of the spell and blocked it and saved harry's life!

it was... professor Looping!

"professy loopin, why? WHY DID YOU SACRFICIALE YOUR LIFE TO SAVE MY FUCKING LIFE?!" harry said.

"harry it's ok harry...i'm dying harry, please...stop voldermort. he's evil and shit and bad..." luping said.

"NOOO! WAHHAHAHA!" harry said. he cried really loud.

"Haha well i sure did certainly fuck his bitch ass up." Crucks lucks said.

"not really though." lupin said. he got up and did a spin and ran at crucks lucks and a flipping blip kick and nailed Crucks Lucks right in the fucking face

"OWA OW." crucks lucks said. he was bleeding a lot.

"Ill get you for this harry potter and professer lupin the 3rd. you're both gay!" crucks lucks said. he ran away.

"profers lupin will he come back?" hermioknee said.

"i don't fucking know. but i have to leave now because bad things are going to happen soon harry. harry ok? you have to be ready for these bad things. i have forseen them because i am a wear-wolves." lupin said.

"ok" ron said.

"what? bad things? what did you say?" harry said.

"BEWARE THE PINK GOO!" lupin said. then he jumped out a window and flied away because he turned into a wolf but he got wings now because of his iphone app. it was a magic app that could make wolfs fly.

"WHAT THE FUCK" harry said.

"i don't know what it was that just happened." ron said.

"fuck it, let's play cod." harry said.

"ok" ron said.

+_+THENEXTDAY+_+THENEXTDAY+_+THENESTDAY

harry and ron played cod all night while listening to drake and didn't even do any of their homework. they were both baked.

"harrah! hurray hup harry, we're going to miss the hogwartz epxress!" herminie said.

"where it going herm herm? hm?" harry said.

"diagon ally."

"what? Digigon ally?" ron said.

"a new club is opening up its shit there and we could go?" hermionnee said.

"AAAHHHH YEAHHHHH BITCH LETS GOOOO" harry said.

HP2018 


	21. Chapter 21

Harrpy Potty Uses Facebooker for the first timer CFhapter 21 THE NEW FUCKING YEAR

A/n: HAPPY NEW YEAR. This is a specialey hollyday dchapyer.

befour harry and reon and hermine went toe the club at diagonal ally they decided to wait and play more video games. harry and ron not hermione because she was a girl and girls sucked at video games. they also smoked more weed and listenedd to drake who is the gratest rapperar of all time.

"hey harry." ron said.

"harry? that's me, i am arry harry ptoter." harry said.

"it's almost the fucking new year. ya dig?" ron said.

"what?" harry said.

"sure am." ron sai.d

"ok" harry said.

they went back to playing COD BLOSP 2. it was really fun.

"harry we gotta do something fucking fucn for the noo year." ron said.

"no that's really gay." harry said.

"fuck you, i'lkl nail you in the gipper.' ron said. he shooved harry a little to show him how mad he was!

harry took his balls out and put them on ron's hair.

"this one is called the french fry in the katchup hahahahaha." harry said. he waggled his penis around in ron's hair.

"GAROO!" ron said. he grabbed harry's weener and flipped him right the fucking flup up!

"you'll pay for that you giner cunt." harry said. he got up and tried to kick on but he miss and he did another flip but landed on his head and got knoicked the fuck out. his foot hit ron and nocked him out too!

they were both knocked out.

HAPPY NEW YEARS! 


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter whatever 22 i think

the twerps of twerdledy derpladerfelrp.

harry skipped three more weeks of school after getting knocked out, mostly just to whack it and send hate letters to snape. and play bioshok (which was fucking gay) and cod was which legit. but then harry and rang showed ump.

"hey harry you haven't been to classes." hermio-ron saide.

"so?" harry said strokin his deek. he was gonna whack it again if you couldn't tell.

"quit jacking it and listen. you may not pass your classes, you may ass them and fuck your stupid chosen ass right out of this fucking school."

"sounds like poo poo chugga chugga poo poo dinga linga" harry said.

"I just did a doody IN MY PANTS" ron said.

"sounds like it's wee wee nappy nappy wee wee crappy crappy" hermy said.

"fuck off hermy wermy you gotta poop gwinga stahmping shit. and be sides girls can't even poop. they don';t know how!" harry said. he was right you know.

"whant?"

"let's go to the grade thing." ron said "harry. haryy maybe we can figure out a study plan to help you not ass your class."

they went to the thing. hermiowah started to cry when she saw the top two. ron and harry.

"hahahaha lol" harry said as she ran away crying.

"how did that happen?" ron said, snortin some dope dope from a weed bong pipe. he blew magic smoke and made "420" show up.

the dumblr came behind them wearing a beeny (he also came behind them by walking lololol).

"sub bitch-faggots. you guys see the grades lol?" dumbledore said.

"yeah what the fuck dumbly. why we so high? in grades." harry said.

"i did it because you bitches know what's good." dumbledor gave them knux.

"yeah" ron said. "can you make hermione have good grade?

"no." dumbledore said. "girls aren't good at learning."

"hahahaha lol" harry said.

"harry look." ron siad. "malfoy's the lowest, even lower."

"HAHA I KNOW RIGHT BRO?" Dumblerdord said.

"well he is a fucking retard. "harry said. they all laughed a lot at harry's funny joke. harry and ron went back to the dorimnatanty.

"hey ron"

"Ok? i'm ron. what do you want harry?" ron said.

"you know what would be really fucking funny." harry siad.

"ok what is that that would be really fucking funny?" ron said.

"if we took the polly joice pution and pretented to be malfag and got him and the slither in house in to trouble!" harry said.

"oh my god harry." ron said. he laughed so hard he shot booger sand milk out of his nouse.

"it's a good idea." harry said.

"it IS a good fucking idea harry. HARRY! let's do it!" ron siad.

"fuck you ron you fag, we're not gonna do it i'm not gay." harry said.

"that's not what i meant kid!" ron said.

"your such a runt ron." harry said as he punched ron in the dick as a funny joke.

"ok" ron said. he went to the store and bought a polly joice potion.

"here harry have this ,its good bro. you can be malofy because you're almoist as gay as he is!" ron said.

"fuck you ron you ginger motherfucker." harry said. he took the polly juice and mixed it with wiskey because it made the taste better or something. he turned into malfoy! it worked. it really worked.

"wow harry. i mean drayko malfaggot hahaha" ron said.

"fuck off ron." harry said as malfoy.

"ok." orn said.

"watch this. this is gonna be funny." harry said as malfoy. he took his clothes off and ran around the school. ron laughed at harry so hard more boogers and milk came out his nose.

"malfoy what in the fuck are you doing?" snape said.

"professy snape. i love you." harry said as malfoy said. he kissed snape on the lips. it didn't count as being gay though because he was drunk remember he put whiskey in with the polly joose potion and he wasn't really harry who wasn't gay he was malfoy. Ok?

he put his balls in snapes hair and slid down the big stairs that were inside of the school (hogwarts) it was really cold on his balls. he saw neville and made out with him too and it wasn't gay for harry but it was for malfoy who harry was with the polly juice potion.

"MALFOY WHAT THE FUCK." someone said. it was... professinator dumbl'dore!

"fuck you you fucking fag!" harry said as malfoy said and ran away. harry went back to the dorminatoay and took a shower. he wasn't malfoy anymore. the real malfoy was in the slythernin domrniy playing cod with crab and goil and then dumbledore found him.

"MALOFY YOU ARE A PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!" dumblore said. he was really mad.

"stop yelling at me plesaser ok?" malfoy said. he was really crying

"NO YOU WILL EXCEPT AND TAKE THE CONSWQEKENCES OF YOU'RE ACTIONS TODAY MALFAG" dumbloedire said. he grapped malfoy and took him to the school for an emercnegy assembly.

"THIS KID FUCKED UP TODAY. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE GAY WIZARD AT HOGWARTS AND THAT'S ME ME ME." dumbledore said. malfoy was crying and harry and ron were laughinh.

"THIS KID IS GONNA STRIP FOR THE WHOLE SCHOOL NOW. OK?" dumbledore said.

he did a spell that made malfoys' cloth disappear and everyone laughed.

"LOOK AT THE SIZE OF HIS TWINKY TINKY WINKY." dumbloedire said.

malfoy cried and ran away.

"well that was really funny." harry said.

"yeah it was." rond said.

"let's go to that magic club and PART-AY!" harry said. 


End file.
